NIFFEL'S NECROS vs. LYKSTAG LEMMINGS match report
transcribed by Constantine Thomas

...and you join us now just after a truly epic warm-up friendly -

* - er, insofar as any Blood Bowl match can be considered 'friendly', Bob -

- thanks Jim, I meant that in a figurative sense of course - <AHEM> 'Friendly' match with a 2-1 victory by Niffel's Necros against the underrat Lykstag Lemmings team from SkavenBlight, after extra time! Fans from both sides showed up in great numbers, with the Lemming Horde (legendary in their local league back home) turning out in droves. The speedier of the undead Necros fans had a respectable turnout, but I've heard reports that quite a few still haven't quite managed to shamble as far beyond the border of the Skull Lands as they'd have liked to, though you gotta rate them for their enthusiasm. I'd wager it'll take a few days for the message to sink thorugh their death-addled minds that the game is over and that they can in fact return to their haunts! The fan action was quite a highlight, with many Lykstag players being torn to pieces by the over-excited Horde as they were shoved out of bounds by the tougher undead. Heh, this Horde has to be rated as one of the most psychotic fanbases I have ever laid eyes on - it was quite a surprise when most of the occupants in the top half of the Lemmings spectator stand turned round and leapt to their dooms off the back of it after the first touchdown by the Necros - casualties were high, but according to the Lysktag Coach known only as "The Brain" this was about average and the Horde are known to do this, so high is their devotion to their team...

* Either that, Bob, or those rats are just plain nuts....

Too right, Jim. Though you can't fail to admire their sneakiness, the first few turns of the first half saw quite a few underhand surprises flying around. Before the kickoff we noticed that half the Necros scrimmage line was reeling somewhat more than usual and many were on the floor - rumours of spiked embalming fluid were firmly denied in the Lemmings dugout. Still, the Necros managed to recover their undead senses somewhat and capture the ball after this initial setback, though it seems the Lemmings may have underestimated their recovery. Numerous scraps ensued for the ball, resulting in ballistic rats and crumpled squeaks all round. The Skaven were really taking a pounding! The Necros touchdown was hammered home with only 4 Lemmings left standing (or at least, in one piece) on the field, and 6 in the dugout in varying states of unconsciousness. Quite a mauling there, Jim!

* Yeah Bob, that was a pretty impressive casualty list for the Lykstag Lemmings, though many were able to claw back from the sidelines during the last minute kickoff at the end of the half. But it was almost a ludicrous turnaround, with the unlikely-monikered Lykstag receiver Speedy Gonzales getting the touchback and blasting through a gap in the Necros defence. He almost made it for the touchdown but that mad burst for speed that only a Skaven Gutter Runner is capable of surpassed even his reflexes and he went down in a heap 10 yards before the end zone. The Horde were not pleased, and several set about tearing themselves (and the stands) apart in frustration. Not a pretty sight, Bob.

My sentiments exactly, Jim. You gotta wonder exactly what Gonzales was thinking in making that dash, the endzone was way out of his reach! So, an exciting First Half ends with three Lemmings out cold in the dugout, one Necro off for fouling -

* The ref was unusally sharpeyed in this match, Bob.

- and a knocked out skeleton being put back together by the team necromancer in the Necros Pit. We thought the pummeling would continue in the second half (and the Necros Coach was hoping it would turn into a slaughter) and we weren't disappointed! The opening Lykstag kickback of the second half was received by team Ghoul 'Nibbles' and he had excellent cover up the pitch. A great and somewhat desperate block assist by Skaven throwers Chuck Darbull and Skyrr Venomax (who gained notoriety in his homelands for his feared 'Skyrr's Throwback' long bombs deep into the enemy endzone) managed to floor the ghoul and the ball was picked up by linerat Pinky. An unusual play followed whereby Pinky completed a pass to Basil, *another* linerat!

* Yeah Bob, those rats'll be getting a big share of the cheese back home, once they recover from the hammering they got later in the half!

Basil lost the ball in a major pileup in the centre of the field, and an incredible melee of scattering balls, flying limbs, shredded bandages, and manic squeaking ensued that resulted in a spectacular Lemmings fatality/resurrection - linerat Mickey will be sorely missed by his teammembers I'm sure, but remembered for the truly bonesplintering smiteing he received at the hands of The Mummy -

* He'll be feeling that tonight when he wakes up on the Necros sidebench, Bob!

I've heard of going to The Other Side when you die, Jim, but that is just ridiculous! We're sure to see him in Necros colours later on this season, once they set his bones back into place! Still, Skaven running back Speedy Gonzales niftly darted through a gap as the fumbling undead er, fumbled the ball for the third time, scooped it up and pelted down the field. I'd say he was gone in a flash... which he was! One minute he was there, next minute he wasn't - but he reappeared 20 yards downfield and cruised in for the touchdown!!!!

* Yes, Bob, the Horde went wild then, (as if they weren't already). The Necros fans did too, but that was probably because it had only just sunk in that *their* team had scored earlier on in the first half!!!

I'd wager there was a little bit of arcane jiggerypokery going on there Jim, might explain why Gonzales did that make-or-break dash at the end of the first half, which unfortunately for him ended in 'break'...! But what a Touchdown run that was! The Lykstag punt was received once more by Nibbles, who pounded up the field in the shadow of one of the Necros wights who took over the ball after a timely Skaven tag-team tackle on the hapless ghoul. Once more the rats went flying, and they lost a prospective star player in Clint Hamstrong who was pretty much torn to ribbons by the ravenous undead. That had to hurt!! The rats were taking a real beating and were demoralised quite badly there, but just as it looked like it was all over and the Necros were going to win the match, Speedy Gonzales made a desperate turbo from midfield and really hamstered, er, I mean '*hammered*' into the side of the Wight...

* Bob, I really don't think that Wight knew what hit him, which is probably a mercy since being floored by a half-sized rodent going at hyperspeed probably ranks as one of the more ignominious fates that could befall any Blood Bowl player worth his salt! Definitely a case of velocity making up for lack of mass there in the momentum stakes, but boy did he go DOWN...!

Yes, Jim, the Necros must have been kicking themselves since it was so close, he wasn't even 5 yards from the touchline! A truly spectacular and quite frankly amazing comeback by the Lemmings there. Unfortunately though, they couldn't capitalise on their surprise gain there and the 90 minutes ended on a tie - Niffel's Necros 1, Lykstag Lemmings 1.

We had high hopes for extra time, though it was plain to see that the casualties were taking their toll on the Lemmings, the left flank was wide open thanks to the untimely and somwhat gory death of Hamstrong, and the scrimmage was manned only by the three rather nervous surviving linerats. By that time it was amounting pretty much to a war of attrition as the untiring undead simply steamrollered over the remnants of the rats. Despite a valiant attempt by Darbull and Venomax to block that Wight coming up the uncovered flank it was over pretty quickly with no Lemmings able to move after a brief and brutal systematic shutdown of the surviving Lykstag line. The Necros brought the ball in to score while the last skaven on the field was being beaten to a pulp, thus ending the match at 2-1 to the Necros...

* Well Bob, that was certainly a much more exciting game than we thought could have been possible between two rather mismatched teams here. The proven Necros should have piledrived straight through these hyperactive hamsters but the tenacious rodents managed to hold their ground longer than most commentators would have given them credit for. It was only through mounting casualities and the demoralising loss of two of their teammates that the Skaven defence finally collapsed, and collapse very messily it did. After the match, a sizeable fraction of the Horde were seen to leap from the stands once more, though the mounting pile of bodies around the area did much to soften the impacts and reduce the casualties. Still, the survivors can go home in the knowledge that the Lykstag Lemmings did manage to hold on til Extra Time despite the odds - a fact that other teams in the league would to well to remember and be wary of!

Jim, to be fair the Necros had the disadvantage of playing against a rather speedy team of vermin, so I don't think we should be too harsh on them. They inflicted a creditable two fatalities (and in doing so gained one new player). and their Vampire star player did a series of stunning tackles, those rats were doing their best to scamper out of his way for most of the match! One of the highlights of the match for me has to be the sight of the other Lemmings runner Wotzie Werdigoe running screaming up the widezone while being chased by a quite frenzied Vampire Count. Definitely one that will be screamed, er, screened on crystal balls across the Old World for quite some time!

So, we'll leave you there at the end of a thrilling match as the Horde runs riot through the city - you can catch the aftermatch carnage highlights on ABC at 10. Final Score, Niffel Necros 2, Lykstag Lemmings 1...!!!